How do you feel??

People keep asking me how I feel. Do they want the happy go lucky answer or the real truth? If you want the real truth read on. First of all I feel lucky. My baby girl is doing well. She is precious and beautiful. I love her so. I also have a tote bag filled with lots of other emotions. I feel robbed. Robbed of Christmas Eve, Robbed of Christmas and New Years. Guilt, what Could I have done to cause my baby to be born so early? Robbed again My pregnancy was unfinished. It feels like my baby was just taken from me and I want her back. I will never get to say. "Honey It's time" to my husband. I will never have those joyous photos that people have when they give birth. I was a lab rat for 5 days before I gave birth.  Just plain tired. Tired of rushing, crying, and most of all pumping. I am on an infant schedule with no infant in my home to care for. Tired of separating my family. I go to the hosp, Alex goes with dad and none of us are together. It sucks! Last but not least I am tired of telling people what they want to hear. I feel like a train has hit me! Whew that feels better. That Is how I feel. But I will put my best foot forward and move on! I have no choice my family needs me.  That which does not kill you makes you stronger. At the end of it all  I am expecting to be superwoman! Screw that I already am Superwoman!